The light at the end of the tunnel

You know the joke. The light at the end of the tunnel is an oncoming train. It has been a rough year for me. At its best, I was living a comfortable middle class existence and running my own business. At its worst, I was homeless, penniless, without a livelihood and very, very sick. I can now be best described as "up and coming". I may have lost my business and my home, but my health has recovered. In the midst of all of it, I was accused by a bitter and vindictive ex of opening credit cards in his name after our separation. The fact this was not true did not deter a man who can, charitable, be described as above reality. I endured two police investigations and the threat of a Grand Jury indictment before sanity, truth and American justiced prevailed. When my 12 year old hormone overdrive daughter ran away from home and was picked up by the police, she told them that I had thrown her out. The police invaded my home. And, I learned that shouting at the police in politically correct Fairfax County Virginia constitutes discorderly conduct. Having lost everything, I limped home to the Gulf Coast and was, for a time, living with charitable friends. Health restored, I now have what might be described as a "reasonable" job, a cute little cottage (small house) and a budding love life. But, it has not been easy. In fact, it has been the hardest thing I have ever done outside childbirth.

When you are down and out, you can be overwhelmed, bitter and succumb to your urge to self-destruct. Worst, you do nothing. One friend said to me it is like having your life erased and you are suddenly standing in front of a giant blank white board. Losing your life as you knew it brings on a sort of grieving. You need to recognize that and work through it. Talk to someone or join a group. Get actively involved in your recovery.

Then, you have two choices: The first is, if not to give up, to give in and let the current take you. This could be to a safe harbor or to shark infested waters. The results will be random. The second is to do just what you don't want to do -- fight it, take the best care of yourself you can, move forward. Coming up with Plan B may not be what you want to do. It may not be fair. But, it is life. It is also a wonderful opportunity to revisit the dreams and aspirations of your youth. I had one friend who went from being laid off from a very lucrative job to working as a Peace Corps Volunteer. That may not be practical for everyone, but the point is she viewed the lay off as an opportunity and took it.

I once heard a self-help guru give a very apt analogy. You are driving down the road, skid and are headed straight into a tree. What do you do? If you stare at the tree, you will almost certainly hit it. If you turn your attention to the open road, your focus and reactions will go in that direction.

The hardest thing for me was making a start on a new life and making the first tentative moves towards the open road. I'm not out of the woods yet, but I am definitely headed in the right direction at last.